


Not in My Wildest Dreams

by debwalsh



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Identity Porn, M/M, Mistaken Identity, Not Canon Compliant, They’ll always find each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 14:14:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19111333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/debwalsh/pseuds/debwalsh
Summary: Bucky Barnes isn’t the Winter Soldier any longer.  In 1991, Howard Stark helped him defect and build a new life for himself.  Now he’s a modern guy, enjoying the company of other men, and keeping a secret locked up in his heart.Steve Rogers is newly thawed out, and shocked to learn that his old friend is still alive.Then Steve goes to find Bucky, but James thinks this blond hunk is a Cap wannabe, just fine for a night’s pleasure.





	Not in My Wildest Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt for this was:
> 
> Prompt #57   
> By Anon   
> Pairing: Bucky/Steve   
> The Winter Soldier deflects earlier than canon, but remains in hiding. He runs into Steve after the defrost, thinks Steve is a Captain America lookalike sex worker, and propositions him.   
> No noncon   
> Any Rating  
> Steve can go through with the proposition or not; happy endings and bottom Bucky preferred!

James Barnes led an decent life.Quiet.Safe.Out of the line of fire.One that didn’t involve blood and death.

Well, maybe a little bit of blood, if a patron got too handsy or out of line. But most of his days and nights were blessedly blood-free.

He had a job he actually enjoyed, and co-workers that could be assholes at times, but at least they were assholes he understood and could be an asshole to right back.No close friends, but that’s what he told himself he wanted.Shallow and superficial suited him just fine, just like the hook-ups he enjoyed in the back rooms or the bathrooms, in the back alley, or even behind the bar after hours.He scratched the itch, and he convinced himself he was satisfied.

It hadn’t always been that way. Once upon a time, James Barnes had been a cocky young man from Brooklyn, full of swagger and charm, with a ready grin and a roving eye. While he was always popular with the ladies, he always had an eye open looking at the lads.Didn’t risk a beat down by trying his hand at the docks or in the queer clubs.But he was always interested.

And he’d always been interested in his best friend, but Steve ... well, Steve was too good for him, and he wasn’t queer anyway.He might not‘ve done well with the ladies, because the ladies could be stupid as fuck, but that’s where his interests lay. 

Then had come the War.And horror.Death.Rebirth as a monster.December 16, 1991 and his liberation at the hands of his target, Howard Stark.Rehabilitation and repurpose as an agent of SHIELD, working directly with Howard Stark and Peggy Carter.Ten years of that bullshit, and he’d “retired” in 2001, right after Howard and Pegs did.Post-9/11, with all the intelligence failures leading up to the attacks, they’d stepped down to make room for a new kind of intelligence.Bucky’d stuck around a little while, but he didn’t like the new kind of intelligence - felt too much like Hydra for his tastes.So he’d gone civilian, and there he was a decade later, serving drinks in a gay club in Brooklyn, not far from where he’d grown up.He even had some great-grand nieces and nephews kicking around the old neighborhood, and he kind of kept an eye on them, but he never approached. They would never understand how the big brother to their grandmothers was still around, still looking like he hadn’t passed 30.Apparently would never look any older, either.

It was a helluva thing.

James Barnes was more than just a bartender who got his rocks off on the regular and drank his bourbon neat but would never - could never - get drunk on it.

James Barnes was the famed Bucky Barnes of Captain America lore.The darling of pre-war Brooklyn.The reason Steve Rogers marched like the idiot he was into a Hydra death camp and liberated over 400 Allied prisoners.The only Howling Commando to die in the line of duty.Only he didn’t.Because Hydra turned him into the fearsome Winter Soldier.And then SHIELD turned him into Agent Barnes.

And finally Bucky remade himself into James Barnes.Bucky could feel Widow’s eyes on him sometimes, routine check-ins to make sure he didn’t revert or suddenly develop a case of the supervillains.Like he would even consider something so monumentally stupid.He didn’t care if she surveilled him, didn’t care if she let her observation be detected, or he was just that good.He didn’t care so long as she didn’t interfere, didn’t pass judgment, and didn’t try to bring him in from the cold.He was plenty warm where he was, thank you very much.

In this strange new world, it was easier to be James Barnes than Bucky Barnes.A lot of casual Captain America fans didn’t remember that Cap’s sidekick’s first name was James.They didn’t connect the somber, gray-blue eyes, the long dark hair drawn back in a neat bun, and the neatly trimmed beard to the clean-cut, wide-eyed optimism, and easy smile of his past self.Hell, he looked in the mirror every day looking for just some hint of him.He felt he should mourn the loss of his former self, but didn’t care enough to do so. 

Because James Barnes was just going through the motions in a life without Steve Rogers.

Stevie was somewhere on the bottom of the ocean, and Bucky was never gonna see him again.It broke his heart to remember the annual excursions with Howard searching for the Valkyrie, and the moment when Howard finally called it after he’d retired from SHIELD.It’d been the best thing for Howard and his family, especially his son. But for Bucky ... well, a little more of him died that day.And that was the day he quit SHIELD, too.

Steve was gone.He never had the chance to say goodbye.Didn’t have a body to bury.There was no grave where Bucky could visit him.Bucky had nothing to remember him by, no memento, no keepsake.No official status to lay claim to any of the artifacts uncovered over time.

Only memory.

And the memories hurt, cut deep, and left him bleeding inside.

But memory could be quelled, a moment at a time.Buried balls deep in a willing hole.Throbbing between tight, pink lips.Pounded into against a brick wall.There were many ways, and many willing partners.And so he had moments of quiet in his head, of numbness in his heart.A moment at a time.But never permanent. And so he was a modern day predator, always on the hunt.Not to hurt, not to maim, but to give and claim pleasure.And in those moments of pleasure, a kind of peace.

It was better, he thought, than when he’d been a killing machine for Hydra.He gave as much as he took, and never left a partner less than beyond satisfied.

And he was feeling the itch again.

&&&

Natasha Romanova placed a stack of folders on the table in front of Captain Steve Rogers, and smirked.

“What’m I supposed to do with this?”

“Thought you’d want to review them.Dossiers on each of your team members from the old days.Had to dig deep to locate some of them.Not everything’s been digitized from that era, yet.”

“Thanks?”

She shrugged.“I thought you’d, you know, what to know.What happened to everyone.”

“Well, after 70 years, it’s pretty simple, isn’t it?They lived their lives, they got older ... how many of them are still alive?”

“Director Carter still lives just outside the District.Quite the lady.I can see why you were attracted to her.She was one of the most powerful women in the world in her prime.”

“Yeah, she was always a spitfire, and knew her own mind better than anyone I’d ever seen, save my Ma.”He opened the file, and scanned down the summary page quickly.“She’s had a good life.Husband, kids, grandkids, and control of the largest intelligence organization on the planet.Not bad - and that’s the only reason I haven’t walked out yet,” he said with a small smile.“She the only one?”

Natasha was silent then, not an inscrutable silence like she was wont to do, but an uncomfortable one. “Nat?”

Finally, she drew in a fortifying breath, and reached over to tease out a thick folder. She tapped on the name with a perfectly manicured nail.

BARNES.

“What the fuck is this?” Steve asked then, all hint of nice drained from his voice.Nat’s eyebrows shot up in alarm.

“Apparently he was given a serum very similar to yours.He survived the fall from the train.Hydra found him and they ... well, let’s just say they weren’t kind to Sergeant Barnes.”

“He, he survived?I didn’t go back because there was no way -“

“You couldn’t have known.He admitted in debrief that he never told anyone about the experiments.”

“Debrief.Wait, are you saying Bucky is here?At SHIELD?”

“He was.Up until about 10 years ago.He’s a civilian now.The basic outline is all there,” she nodded toward the folder. 

“But he’s alive.Does he know I am?”

“No one outside SHIELD knows you’re alive, Steve.Fury hasn’t even briefed the President.He wanted to give you time to acclimate -“

“Don’t give me that bullshit.Fury’d be ready to throw me at the front line before I take my morning shit if it suited his needs. He just doesn’t have a war to point me at yet.”

“Wow.I, uh, I didn’t need to have that picture seared into my brain.So thanks for that.Nick’s not the enemy, Steve.But the world is a different place than it was when you went into the ice.Politics today - well, let’s say once the politicians know you’re alive, they’ll be clamoring to see how they can best exploit you for their own personal gain.”

“So basically you’re telling me nothing’s changed.Remember me?I was literally created by a politician to sell war bonds.Or at least Captain America was.”Steve ran his palm over his mouth and held it there for a few seconds before flattening his hand on top of the Barnes folder.“Buck is the only person on the planet who remembers me.Steve Rogers, not Captain America.I gotta see him.”

“Steve, I can get you clearance to see Director Carter, no problem.But Barnes -“

“I’m sorry, did you think I was asking?No.I need to see him.Now.”

“Steve, he’s not the same man you knew -“

“Give it up, Nat. There is nothing you could say that would convince me not to go to Bucky.Nothing.”

“Okay.Okay, but at least read the file.So you’re prepared.”

“You know where he is?”

“I keep him under light surveillance.Nothing invasive, he doesn’t even know I’m watching.”

“For his benefit or yours?”

“Both.You’ll have a better idea why when you’ve read the file.”

Steve picked up Barnes’s file and ostentatiously opened it, lifted the first page and started to read.A few moments later, he glanced up at Nat and said, “I can read just fine on my own.Don’t need a babysitter.”

“There are some things in the file you might find upsetting -“

“I’d already guessed that.Well, you can’t protect me from the truth, Nat. Let me find it out on my own.Okay?”

She nodded once, and turned to go, leaving Steve alone in the small conference room.At the door, she turned back and looked at him for a long moment.“You may not like what you find -“

“Close the door on your way out, won’t you, Nat?” Steve asked, his voice distinctly chilly.“I’m a grown-ass man who fought in a world war.And I’m from fucking Brooklyn.I didn’t get here from a garden party, Nat.Now, stop worrying about my sensitive feelings, and let me read this in peace, huh?”

She pursed her lips but she nodded just the same, and pulled the door closed behind her.

Steve read.

He decided he’d admit to Nat that he also cried.Wanted to hit something, to set the world on fire for what it’d done to Buck.But most of all, he wanted to see him.He wanted to pull him into his arms, and apologize for not knowing somehow that he’d lived, for not going back for him.He wanted to beg for his forgiveness and hope against hope that Buck had missed him even a fraction of how much he’d missed Buck.

&&&

Bucky was surveying his options, checking out the local talent to make a selection for the evening. Maybe more than one.He was feeling frisky, and one of the few fringe benefits of the serum that he actually liked was zero refractory period.He could go all night if he had a hankering to, and take on every fella in the club without stopping.

The idea had a certain appeal.He’d fucked most of them at some point anyway, and he’d already been treated to a few come-hither looks, sultry smiles, and seductive poses tossed his way.But as much as he wanted sex right now, nobody was ringing his bells at the moment.He was kind of craving virgin territory - not that he had a virgin kink, just someone he didn’t know.Who didn’t know him.Someone he could learn.There was a sort of joy he found in that first time with someone, when every action and reaction was a surprise, something to look forward to.So yeah, he was looking for someone he could fantasize about until his next break, before he dragged the lucky boy back to the private rooms and some quality together time.

He sighed as he surveyed the scene. Everyone was familiar.And thanks to the neural enhancements of the serum, he could remember his first, last, and in between encounters with each of them, in exacting detail.So much for new blood.He wasn’t in the mood for a repeat performance - they could be complicated if the other guy started to catch feelings or feel special in some way, so maybe he’d just have a wank in the john later, and be done with it.

With a shrug, he turned his attention back to the bar and the drink orders coming in from the waiters, and that kept him busy and distracted for a bit.

He did a quick wipe-down of the bar top, checked the levels in his taps, and signaled one of the servers over to get him some more munchies to put out for fellas hanging out at the bar.Everyone knew the salt made you order more drinks, but everybody always ate the free food at the bar anyway. 

He was about to settle in for the rest of a boring shift when he turned and saw him sitting at the bar, back to Bucky, fingers tapping gently on the counter as he glanced around him.Bucky couldn’t see his face yet, but what he could see made his heart stutter - literally stutter - at the sight of the tall, stacked blond.

Shoulders that looked like they could carry a fucking tank, broad back tapering down to a tiny waist, and if that butt was as promising as it looked sitting on the barstool, Bucky’s evening just took a turn for the lustful.

And then he swiveled on the stool, and time just stopped.

He looked so much like Steve, Bucky just wanted to sit down right where he was and cry.This fella had a nice haircut, used some product with some flair, while his old friend often looked like he chopped his bangs himself - which Steve tended to do.His haircuts got better when he was a showgirl, and stayed pretty decent when there was an Army barber he could turn to.But his Steve was never vain, and didn’t have a clue how to show off his best assets.But this guy ... wow.He looked like Steve would’ve with a professional stylist. 

Fuck, he looked like a Captain America wannabe from a porno.The resemblance was so strong, Bucky had to wonder if maybe the guy had done some doubling on screen or on stage.He’d pay good money to watch him strip out of one of Steve’s old suits.Hell, anyone would, but Bucky wouldn’t mind it if it was a show just for one.

Which made Bucky wonder just why he was sitting at his bar, waiting for service.Oh yeah.Because Bucky was failing on the job and tripping over his own goddamned tongue.

“What’ll it be?” he asked as he sidled up on his side of bar, nudging a dish of snacks toward the god made flesh.

Who looked started and a little nervous, which surprised Bucky.Guy who looked like that had no reason for nerves - he’d likely be in control of any situation he found himself in.Unless he liked relinquishing control.Bucky had to rein back his imagination when it started playing scenarios where he was giving Blondie orders.On his knees, mouth open ... yeah.

“Um, whatever’s good on tap, I guess.”

Shit, even his voice was sexy.Deep but not too deep.Like Steve’s, in fact.Steve’s real voice, not the stupid actor voice he used in those god-awful pictures he shot in Hollywood.But that’s about all he’d been able to find of Steve in the present day.Most of the newsreels just showed Steve, but didn’t have audio of him speaking.

Bucky missed the punk’s voice.

And this guy?Bucky would like to roll around in his voice for a while before he took him for a spin.So he did what every good bartender did - he leaned in close, made eye contact, and asked him questions about his tastes.In beer, but he was hoping the message was getting across that he wanted to know his tastes in men and positions, too.

“Um, I dunno.Got any craft?Local breweries?”

“You like IPA, Pilsner, Berliner, stout, weisse, fruity -“

“Weisse.”

Bucky smiled.“Okay.We got a good one, brewed local,” he added as he sauntered over to grab a glass and pulled the handle to fill it.There was just a hint of foam, a good pour, and he smiled as he slid the pint glass over.“Lemme know what you think, huh?”

Blondie nodded, took a sip, and Bucky was sure he’d just seen his O face when he reacted to the brew.“Good, huh?” Bucky prompted, making sure to stay nearby. 

“God, yeah.”He took a bigger swig of the beer, and Bucky was treated to the view of his long neck as he tipped his head back and swallowed down the rest of the pint.Any question Bucky might’ve had about a gag reflex was handily addressed in that display.And if he wanted to follow with his tongue the errant droplets of beer making their way down his chin and along his throat, well.What’s a fella to do, huh?

Refill, obviously.He snagged the glass as soon as it hit the counter, and arched an eyebrow at Blondie, who nodded quickly. 

As Blondie waited for his refill, he asked, “You been working here long?”

“Coupla years.Kicked around for a few years before I settled here.I like it,” he summed up with a smile and handed the full glass to Blondie. “You?”

“Looking, actually.Trying to figure out my options.”

Bucky nodded toward the stage where Danny, one of the dancers, was strutting through his routine.“They’re hiring.”

“Yeah?”

“Ever done any stage work?”

Blondie ran his finger along the rim of the glass.“I did, yeah.Um, part of a revue, I guess.Dancing girls and music.”

“Lotta pussy on offer?”

“Maybe.I don’t partake.”

“Women? Or sex?”

“Women,” he answered, and relaxed into a posture with his elbows on the counter like he was settling in for the evening.“As for the other ... I’m definitely looking for the right partner,” he replied, looking directly into Bucky’s eyes. 

His eyes were a startling blue.Like Steve’s.And like Steve’s, they were surrounded by luxurious and long dark blond lashes.His eyes were gorgeous.He wanted to see them roll back in his head from pleasure.He wanted to be the cause of that.

“See anything you like?” Bucky asked then, enjoying the banter but hoping to get to a yes.Preferably a fuck, yes.

Blondie smiled then, and sipped from his beer.

“Wanna dance?”

The smile grew wider.“Don’t you have to work?”

“Even bartenders get a break.And I’m about due.”

“Well, looks like this might be my lucky night.”

“Mine, too,” Bucky grinned at him. “Hey, Miguel, I’m goin’ on break, okay?”

Miguel grinned and tossed Bucky a thumb’s up as Buck came round from behind the bar to meet Blondie at his seat.“Name’s James,” he introduced as he held out his hand to Blondie.

Blondie glanced from his hand to his face and smiled.“James, huh?Well, I’m Grant.Pleased to meet you.”

&&&

Grant had rhythm, and damn, he was flexible.Dancing with him was fun and new, just what Bucky needed tonight.He was also incredibly sexy and yet completely unaware of the fact.Which only made Bucky that much more attracted to him.And fuck, he was turned right now.

Their dance had grown more intimate as the music wore on, and now, they were dancing back to chest, Bucky’s hard-on pressed into Grant’s ass as they moved.Bucky’s hands settled on Grant’s hips, guiding them gently to heighten the sensation.Grant pressed his head back against Bucky’s shoulder, and Bucky tipped his face slightly so he could kiss him.He tasted of the bright citrus notes of the weisse bier he’d drunk earlier, but even more, something indefinably him.Bucky wanted more.

Grant spun in Bucky’s embrace, pressed against him as they swayed, his hands sliding up the length of Bucky’s arms to settle on his shoulders.“Do you live nearby?” he asked in a low, wrecked voice.

“No need.There are rooms.Kind of an elite club level thing.”

“Isn’t that a little ... unhygienic?”

“Way better than the places guys go at it in the hallways.Which some do.But I have a room.I also nap there if I end up pulling a double.So it’s basically my home away from home.Fresh made bed and all.But if you’re not interested -“

“Oh, fuck no.I’m interested.Really interested.D’you have time -“

“Baby, for you, I’ll make time.”

Grant laughed at that, and Bucky had to, too.“Okay, it sounds like a line, but it’s not.I’ve wanted to fuck you since the moment I laid eyes on you.”

“Well, then.Let’s not delay the inevitable, huh? I want you to fuck me, too.And then I wanna return the favor.”

&&&

Steve was freaking out inside. Completely, utterly freaking out. His head was screaming, his heart was pounding, his every atom was vibrating so fast he thought he’d fly apart.

Bucky was alive. He was alive. And oh my God, how is it possible he was even more beautiful than Steve remembered? So sexy. So ... Buck. And why did Steve not know that Bucky was into men. Like, seriously into men?

But more importantly, Steve had to wonder how Buck didn’t recognize him. Surely even if he thought Steve bore a resemblance to his old pal, he would’ve said something. Given something away. But no, he’d looked Steve right in the eyes and didn’t betray any hint that Steve - Grant - reminded him of anyone who was remotely important to him.

And even though Steve was trembling from the rush of having Bucky’s hands all over him, of his lips on his, his teeth nibbling on the soft skin of his neck, and God, his hand on Steve’s dick through his pants ... even though, there was a part of Steve that was dying inside. And even though, he was willing to die if it meant he got to have this, even once. 

To himself, he thought, “Way to go, Rogers. You’re willing to flush your self-respect down the crapper to get dicked by your best friend who doesn’t even fucking remember you. Can’t get much more desperate than that.”

He’d deal with the heartbreak later. Right now, Steven Grant Rogers’s world narrowed down to Bucky Barnes’s hand stroking his cock, his lips and teeth nibbling on his neck, and the fact that Bucky was wearing no underwear under his skin-tight jeans. In the face of that evidence of his senses, nothing else mattered.

&&&

The hallway leading to Bucky’s room was occupied by writhing figures, most naked or partially naked, touching, moaning, sucking, fucking, or preparing to. Bucky and Grant barely registered the copulations of others as they careened down the hallway, bouncing off the walls, stumbling against gasping couples and threesomes, kissing desperately, their hands everywhere, tearing at clothes, grasping at skin, drawing moans, and gasps, and pleas for more. Bucky had one hand down Steve’s pants, roughly jerking his cock, while the other patted the wall in search of the doorknob to his room. Grant had half-climbed Bucky, one leg wrapped around Bucky’s ass, his hands pawing at Bucky’s pecs, grasping for purchase on his shoulders, just grabbing at whatever he could as quickly and chaotically as he could.

Finally, Bucky wrenched the door open, and they fell into the bedroom, Bucky walking backward until his legs hit the edge of the bed, and they collapsed backward in a tangle of arms, legs, and hard dicks. Immediately, Grant shifted position so he was straddling Bucky’s hips, their clothed cocks naturally lining up as Grant started to rock back and forth. Bucky moaned as his fingers dug into the soft flesh at Grant’s hip bones, none so gently guiding him to grind deeper, harder. Then he made a grab for the zipper on his slacks, dragging the tab down to the bottom and slipping his thumbs into the fabric to pull both the slacks and his briefs down to release that monster he’d been fondling. 

Jesus, this guy was made of plush over steel! But he needed more than just rubbing against each other through their jeans.

“Clothes. Off. Now,” he rasped out, reaching out to plant his hands against the truly miraculous pecs on this Steve wannabe. He let himself cop a feel and then shoved him up and backward.

“Naked. Now!”

“Fuck, so bossy,” Grant answered breathlessly as he stumbled to his feet and started shoving his pants all the way off.

“You like that kinda thing? Cos I would love to explore any and all kinks with you, baby. Later. Fuck now, negotiate later,” Bucky said as he surged up off the bed to catch Grant in a searing kiss, his hand automatically reaching for Grant’s prick, stroking it roughly with his dry palm.

Grant whined, scrabbling at Bucky’s pants to undo them and shove them down desperately. “Kinda have a competency kink,” he gasped as Bucky’s hand sped up. “You kinda hit all the boxes. Fuck, some lube would be good,” he gasped again, louder this time and with an edge of discomfort.

“Shit, sorry. It’s just ... damn, that is one fine looking cock you got there, Grant. I like a natural man,” Bucky said then, stilling his hand but letting his thumb play with Grant’s foreskin. 

“Yeah? Kinda liking what you got there, too. Like it better inside me. You gonna keep me waiting all night, there, James?” Grant asked, tugging at Bucky’s dick.

“Right. Lube. Condom. You finish getting naked. I’m gonna, oh fuck, that feels good,” Bucky said, head rolling back in pleasure as Grant slowly fingered his dick like he was playing it in an orchestra. “Goddamn, baby. I just gotta get over, um, there - no seriously, get naked and get on the bed.”

“How do you want me?” Grant let go of Bucky’s cock, and started stripping off his shirt. He looked back at Bucky over his shoulder, his blond hair adorably disheveled. “I’ll take you any way you wanna have me.”

Bucky had retrieved the lube bottle off the side table, and a strip of condoms, and he looked at him then, really looked.

He looked so much like Steve. Right down to the devil in his eyes. People thought that Captain America was stodgy and righteous. They didn’t know the firebrand who lived inside of him, the little shit who would get up in the face of the biggest bully, take a beat down, and do it all over again if it meant someone else could get away.

 

He missed him so much he felt like his chest would crack open and his heart would bleed out all the sadness.

 

Was he so pathetic he’d fuck a guy just because he looked so much like Steve? Eyes roving over the pert, peach-like ass, the tiny waist, the back muscles that spoke of raw power, the arms that looked like they could contain him even in full Winter Soldier mode ... and that jawline, those eyes that danced and sparkled with mirth mixed with desire, those lips.

Yes. Yes he was. But he was also incredibly attracted to this Grant fella. He liked his sense of humor, the way he kissed, the way his dick felt in his hand, the way his hand felt on his own dick.

Maybe not so pathetic. Maybe it just started because he looked like Steve. But he wanted this man here, now. He’d discuss all the baggage and bullshit with his therapist later. Now ... now he needed this man on his back, legs spread, bearing down on his cock while he fucked him relentlessly.

He told Grant as much, and the smile that spread across those pink, plush lips was positively sinful, and promised so much more. While he scrambled to get into a comfortable, fuckable position, Bucky rolled on the condom and squirted some lube in his hand to slick himself up. Then he poured some onto his flesh hand and knelt one knee on the corner of the bed, grinning hungrily.

“Look at you, all spread out for me,” he grunted, licking his lips and stroking himself.

“To paraphrase you, less look, more fuck, huh?” Grant said then, grinning as he wriggled around, no doubt trying to look sexier.

Like that was possible.

Bucky put both feet back on the floor and walked around to the bottom of the bed, grabbed Grant by the ankles and yanked him closer so he could drape Grant’s legs over his hips. Then he rubbed lube against Grant’s hole, tapped at it with the head of his dick, shoved two fingers in quickly and swirled them around. 

Then, blessedly, he held the blunt head of his cock against Grant’s hole and pushed steadily until he breached, drinking in the shocked gasp coming from beneath him. 

Then instinct took over, and he was lost in a haze of lust and pleasure. And his mind went quiet at last.

&&&

The prep was quick and perfunctory, but Steve didn’t care. The feel of Bucky’s fingers in his ass, quick, sharp, sure, amazing even as it stung. And then he felt the building pressure of Bucky’s cock pressing, pressing ... then his body let him in and for a moment he felt like he was tearing down there. It passed quickly and then what he felt was the relentless rush of pleasure as Bucky pounded into him, filling him, hitting that spot and massaging over it again and again with the thick bulk of his cock pistoning in and out ...

His hands blindly went to grab at Bucky’s, twining their fingers together as he held on, his body shoving up the bed with each powerful thrust. Then Bucky gathered him up roughly and dragged him so they were chest to chest as Bucky held his ass in place as his pace continued relentlessly. Steve threw his arms around Bucky’s shoulders and he hung on, the breath punched out of him with every upward thrust.

It took a moment for him to realize that what he was touching was fabric and not skin. He plucked at the shirt clumsily, gasping, “What the hell? Why aren’t you naked?”

&&&

It was the question that always filled him with dread. Anyone who found the angry red and gnarled scar tissue sexy was someone that Bucky really didn’t want in his bed. Fanboys turned on by the mech attached to his spine by Hydra were a turnoff, too, no matter how big their dicks were. Then there were the pitying looks, the guys who suddenly felt like they were doing their community service by fucking a cripple. He couldn’t stand it if Grant turned out to be any of those. He couldn’t stand the thought that Steve might look at him that way.

“War wounds,” Bucky said automatically. In a country that had been continuously at war since 9/11, it was a shorthand that most people understood and accepted. Most people he’d continue to talk to, anyway. 

So it shocked him when the hands that clutched at his shoulders gentled, smoothed down over the cap of each shoulder, and slid down his arms with steady and reassuring pressure. “Thank you for your service,” Grant whispered, and sought out Bucky’s lips in a gentle kiss. His hands continued to touch gently, massaging and mapping the contours of his flesh and metal under the shirt. 

Bucky felt tears prick at his eyes. Rough he knew. Hard and fast, yes. Mind-blowing on occasion.

But gentle ... he couldn’t remember the last time someone had touched him like Grant was now, like he was precious, important.Like he was worth it.

His hips slowed and he experimented with just rolling into Grant, feeling his dick drag over his prostate, feeling the intense pleasure of Grant’s channel spasming around him. Of Grant’s lips moving from his to ghost over his eyes, his cheek, his jaw. Kisses planted behind his ear, down his neck. Hands still moving with purpose, soft, worshipful, unlike anything Bucky could remember feeling. Not since before ... yet everything he’d ever hoped to have with Steve ...

“God, Buck,” Grant breathed then, barely more than a whisper, but loud enough that Bucky’s enhanced hearing could pick up clearly. “You feel so good.”

And Bucky fell still then. Grant’s hands continued to rove over his body, Grant’s lips continued to press reverently into his skin, and then it was clear that Grant had finally noticed that Bucky had just stopped.

“Bu-James?”

“I didn’t tell you my name is Bucky. No one here knows that name. I’ve never told anyone that name, not since ... No one knows me by that name. Who are you?”

“Buck, I’m sorry -“

Bucky pulled him off and threw him on the bed, where he bounced, his hard dick smacking against impossible abs that still filled him with lust even as the noise in his head built toward crescendo. Grant - or whoever he was - stared up at him in shock and ... hurt?

“Who the fuck are you? SHIELD or Hydra?”

Grant’s face morphed from the flush of lust to the concentration of the battlefield, and Bucky felt his heart clench anew - whoever this guy was, he had somehow gotten all of Steve’s tells, his mannerisms, down so well that if Bucky didn’t already know that Steve was lost forever, he could almost believe -

“Never Hydra,” Grant said simply and with such conviction, Bucky felt compelled to believe him. But he also remembered when Fenhoff spoke with such conviction, making it sound so completely reasonable and necessary for Bucky to shoot himself in his own neck. He’d nearly bled out in front of the Hydra scientists while they’d finished taking their notes before they decided they should probably apply some kind of first aid.

And he could feel himself start to spiral, to dissociate as memories of Hydra, of the things they did to Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, of the things they did to make the Winter Soldier, of the ice and the chair and oh my God, they’re coming, they found him, nowhere was safe, they were going to take him back -

“Buck! Bucky! It’s okay! I’m not Hydra. You’re safe. I’m not really SHIELD, either. It’s me, Buck. It’s Steve. It’s really me. Buck, come back to me,” he was saying, his arms locked around Bucky, holding him close in an unbreakable grasp. Bucky knew this because he tried to break free, tried to get away, tried to escape, because this couldn’t be Steve, Steve was dead, Steve was buried at the bottom of the ocean, lost forever -

“Buck, please. Listen to me. It’s really me, it’s really Steve. I didn’t think you remembered me, so I played along. I was lost. I was at the bottom of the ocean, yeah. But SHIELD found me. I was frozen solid. Buck, I slept for almost 70 years. But I’m here now. I just found out you were alive yesterday. I couldn’t wait to see you. I ... Buck, please -“

“No,” Bucky whispered, his throat feeling raw and burning with bile. “Steve’s dead. We couldn’t find him. Howard and me, we went out every year for ten years. Ten fucking years with the best tech on the planet. There was no trace, no trail. Finally ... no.

“Who the fuck are you?” Bucky demanded then, rage boiling into violent ferocity as he broke free of not-Steve’s embrace and sent him flying across the room to smash against the wall behind the bed. The plaster shattered, raining down paint chips and plaster dust, and Bucky could hear the sickening crack! of the cinderblock behind it crunching and - what the actual fuck? Not-Steve bounced back onto the bed and shook himself, and leapt down to the floor, stalking toward him. 

Bucky would be lying if he said he didn’t find the image of the real Steve stalking him like a hungry predator about to take him apart a real turn-on, but this couldn’t be - but he’d thrown him against the wall with such rage, he should’ve broken his back, oh God, he almost killed a civilian - and yet -

“Ste-eve?” he asked in a small voice. Jesus, what was he thinking, tossing someone he thought wasn’t enhanced against the wall like that? He started to shake, his hands trembling, sending aftershocks up his arms, flesh and metal, making his teeth chatter and tears stream down his face.

“Yeah, Buck. It’s really me. C’mere, jerk. I got you. It’s gonna be okay,” Maybe-Could-Be-Steve said gently, pulling Bucky into his arms and holding his big hand against the back of Bucky’s neck, his lips pressed against Bucky’s ear as he whispered, “I missed you so much. I usedta dream of you’n’me, like this, but I figured you and all the dames, there was no way -“

Bucky’s arms circled Really-Steve’s back, his hands flattening against the warm, naked skin as he started to weep openly against his neck, breathing in the skin he’d longed to touch as Steve’s fingers caressed the knotted muscles of his neck and shoulders. “Same,” he muttered against Steve’s damp skin. “Figured you for the dames, even though they were too fucking stupid to realize what they were missing out on.”

Those big strong arms tightened around him, and Bucky grasped just as tightly. “Coupla idiot saps we are. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m kind of in love with you, Bucky Barnes. Always have been. Always will be.”

Bucky whimpered at the sounds of words he thought he’d never hear, spoken in a voice he’d believed was silenced forever.

“Stevie? Is it really you?”

“Yeah, Buck. It’s really me. And I’m gonna kiss you now, okay?”

“Okay,” Bucky agreed with a smile that started on the inside and shown through every pore as Steve - his Steve, the Steve he’d loved since they were in short pants - dipped his face to press his fucking perfect lips against his. 

And then Steve’s lips moved, to each closed eye, to his jaw, down his neck, and when Steve pulled the neck of shirt aside he asked, “I know what they did to you. I know none of it was your fault. Nat tells me it wasn’t my fault you got left behind, but I can’t help but feel responsible. Will you let me see?”

Bucky held Definitely-Steve’s eyes then, held them and studied them, searching deeply for pity or disgust. And what he found there was what he’d always found there, even when he’d come home sloppy falling down drunk, stinking of cheap liquor and sex, and Steve had just shaken his head, helped him back up, and cleaned him up so he didn’t fall asleep in his own puke.

What he found there was fondness, acceptance. Love. He nodded slowly, and lifted the hem of his shirt, hesitating only a breath before he pulled the shirt over his head, revealing himself in a way he hadn’t since before the war.

And Steve’s fingers were gentle, probing. Mapping. Learning. Bucky felt exposed in a way that he’d never felt before. Not an experiment. Not a patient. But an object of wonder. An object of love.

He crashed his lips against Steve’s, kissing him with a renewed hunger, a hunger greater than anything he could remember feeling, before the war or since. And Steve met him devouring kiss for devouring kiss.

He could feel bruises forming as they battled their way through kisses. He broke away just long enough to gasp out, “I want you to fuck me,” before diving back in. 

It was a long time before they broke again for Steve to breathe, “Okay.”

&&&

“Barnes!Barnes, you staying over?” Miguel pounded on the door, shouting loud enough to wake the dead.Or the truly fucked out.Bucky groaned and started to roll over, only to feel the pull of dried jizz - a lot of it - on his pubes and his skin, making him curse at the sensation.

“Yeah, I’ll lock up, Mig!” he shouted back.

On the other side of the door, Bucky could hear a lascivious chuckle as Miguel pounded twice on the door, and shouted, “Don’t do anybody I wouldn’t do!”

“Fuck you, I got better taste!” Bucky yelled, grinning.

“Ow.Buck?” he heard a voice say softly a few inches away. “Shit, we’re stuck together.”

“Nobody’s ever fuckin’ wrung the cum right outta me like you did, Rogers.Shot, what, about a dozen loads all over your pretty abs.And you got me just as good.Never fucked anybody who could keep up with me before.I hurt in all the right places.But, yeah, ow.Shoulda cleaned up before we passed out after that last round.Hold on,” he added, and levered himself up quickly, splitting them apart with an audible crunchy sound.

“Shit!” Steve exclaimed, his hand going to his abs where the skin was red and irritated.

Bucky got up and stalked across the room to grab the cylinder of wipes.He popped open the top and tugged out a fistful of them, balled them up, and tossed them at Steve’s head.He scrubbed at his own abs, wiped down his junk, then twisted around to take a swipe at his ass.

Steve was standing by the bed, performing the same ablutions, when he nodded toward the crumpled, sticky, crunchy bedclothes.“Think it’s time to strip the bed, too.Got fresh linens?”

“Cabinet over there,” Bucky nodded toward the far wall, then scrunched his pile of wipes in a ball and tossed them in the trash.“So, um, now what?”

Steve turned from where he was pulling out the clean sheets, and looked at Bucky quizzically.“Now what, what?”

“Well, this a one-time thing, fuck me, leave me?You turnin’ me back in to SHIELD?I do my psyche thing on schedule, and I drop by Junior’s shop to get the arm checked over on the regular.So I haven’t really gone completely off the reservation.I just -“

“Is that what you want?Once and done?Because I didn’t come here to fuck you, Buck.I’m not sorry - don’t get me wrong.I’ve been wanting to fuck you since I was 13.But that’s not why I came here tonight.”

“Why did you come, Steve?”

“To find you.To see if you wanted to be found.To ... “

“What?”

“To see if you were willing to let me back into your life.”

“You want that?Even though,” Bucky gestured toward his prosthetic arm.

“Buck,” Steve started to say, and Bucky was shocked to realize that there was a sob underlying his name.“Buck, there’s nothing I want more.We don’t have to have sex again if you don’t want it, but fuck, Buck - I need you in my life, however you’re willing to be in it.”

Bucky stared at Steve then, his breath suspended while scenarios raced through his brain.“You work for SHIELD?”

“Sort of.They want me to.I haven’t decided.”

“Quit.”

“What?”

“Quit.Dump the fuckers.They’ll only use you.Lie to you so you’ll think you can’t quit, can’t have a life that isn’t blood-soaked.”

“That what they did to you?”

“Not at first.But once Howard and Peg retired, yeah. Not the same organization they made it to be.I got out.You, too.”

“And?”

“And we figure that out together.”

“Okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.Okay.”

“Seriously? You’re not gonna gimme an argument? You sure you’re Steve Rogers?”

“Oh, no, you got that wrong.I’m Roger Stevens.You were expecting someone else?” Steve asked, smirking at Bucky while he had the gall to look like sex on a stick.Seriously, Bucky just wanted to drop to his knees and lick that stick.Yep, Little Bucky was starting to rise to the occasion, so he stalked over and took the sheets out of Steve’s hands while he grinned right back.

So, yeah.Little shit still?Check. 3000 percent fuckable?Also check.

“I’m expecting you to fuck me into this mattress after we change the sheets.”

Steve’s face grew serious, and that worried Bucky.“Buck, not that this isn’t a comfortable bed - ‘cos it’s really not.But how about we take this back to my place?I got a whole apartment we can fuck in.Huge ass bed -“

“You sweep your apartment for bugs?”

“Daily.Somebody’s probably been in to plant some more while I’ve been here.Wouldn’t mind giving them an earful before I tender my resignation.”

“I got enough to keep us both.I can be your sugar daddy, you can be my kept man.”

“Yeah, me, too.”At Bucky’s disbelieving look, Steve shrugged, and said, “Nearly 70 years of back pay with interest.But you wanna make this a thing?Seriously?Cos I do.I really do, Buck.”

“I wanna marry you someday.When it’s legal.It’s gonna happen.Mr. and Mr. Barnes-Rogers.Got a ring to it, don’t you think?But until then, yeah. I wanna make this a thing.I’ve missed you more than I can ever say, punk.Now I got you back - I ain’t letting go.After we blow their minds with how many times we can go, maybe you could move in with me.They don’t bug me anymore.”

“Natasha says she observes you without you knowing.”

“She’s good, but not that good.I always make her.I let her think she’s got one over me.Helps her confidence.”

“Yeah?You’re nice like that?”

“I’m nice like that.So, we fucking here, or at your place?”

“Let’s do it at my place.Bring the wipes.”

“Man of my dreams. Find your clothes and get dressed - it’s a shitty neighborhood, but we don’t wanna flash the neighbors.”

“No?”

“No.That view?” Buck waved toward the general area of Steve’s not so flaccid cock.“That’s just for me.”

“Yeah, Buck.It is.It really is.”

END


End file.
